i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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