he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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