addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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