george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
