Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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