I only kidnapped one of them. chill
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
