I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
