I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
