There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will die if light touches me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
