Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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