While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
