At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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