it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
