I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
