I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i will never coherently bang her
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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