Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
