Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
