So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
