Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
