so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
