I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize