I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
