I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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