Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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