I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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