Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
