so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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