Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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