I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
