i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
