so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
