used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
