go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize