its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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