i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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