you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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