she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
