I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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