I showed him my bush... on skype.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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