Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We named our party play list daddy issues
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
