Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
