he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
