Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
