best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
