I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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