So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
