why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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