i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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