I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
