I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
