I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
