I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
