I am puke
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
