I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
