She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
