I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
