He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
