yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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