I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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