Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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