Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can I color on your dick again?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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