I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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