there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
