and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
