I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
