saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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