You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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